Lessons I Learned from My Failures In Life

We live in a culture where success is much celebrated. For a baby who learns to walk for the first time, a proud parent claps and cheers for her. People often celebrate with good food for someone getting good recognition at school. Filipino households sometimes even print tarpaulins showing off someone who just graduated from school. Social media showcasing only good things sometimes exhibits facades of someone’s reality.

While it is good to celebrate small wins, a culture focused on successes alone lacks the motivation to take risks, go out of your comfort zone, and find new opportunities. People would then think that to win is to take the route of linear success. The truth is it is taking unprecedented paths, filled with risks, failures, learning, and eventually succeeding.

I remember one of my professors who took pride in our school for educators, with a 98 percent passing rate for board examinations. He said that in our school, people would remember you for failing because you are a part of the small minority of those who did not pass. During that time, it was a shame if you failed. We should have realized that behind those failures are even more excellent opportunities.

As I read the book by Tina Seeling titled “What I Wish I Knew When I Was 20”, I am inspired to talk about my failures in life. I embrace my failures because it is where I learned to find opportunities amidst failing.

When we hear the stories of some of the most successful people in history, most recount a story of failure and rejection. If these people with big names take pride in their series of failures, it is because of those losses that they were compensated later on in life.

I lived my life in practical terms and conditions. If I graduate high school, I will go to college. If I pass the entrance examination in the most prestigious school for teachers (which I did), I will pursue teaching. If I pass the majorship in English, I will pass the board exams; I will teach English to high school students. This IF formula became the cause-effect and the linear procedure of my life. I wasn’t emotionally ready for any risk in my life. Only when I became a mom and entrepreneur did I learn to take risks.

Now that I’ve had a series of failures let me share what I learned from these failures:

1. I have entered failed relationships.

In my early to late teens, I was much inclined to fairy tales (Oh, hello Taylor Swift, you inspired me early in life), thinking it was a season for finding the right one. When given a chance to date someone with whom you have mutual understanding, my attention goes to this person. Although I wasn’t into physical dating back then, we were more of “text mates,” which grabbed most of my attention.

When seasons of mutual understanding end, my heart would be so invested in it that it would be hard for me to move on. It was such a funny story, yet I should have focused on improving my relationship with myself to develop my talents. Had I learned to pursue my goals early in life, it would have been easier to niche down my skills and be more specific about what I want to be in my life.

Lesson: Don’t get pressured to enter a relationship if you haven’t mastered yourself first, such as your habits, your proactiveness, and skills.

2. I have failed to focus on who I really want to be and focus on what I love to do.

Since entering pre-school, I knew I wanted to become a teacher. It hadn’t changed from pre-school to Elementary and even until college. I had always wanted to become a teacher. Partly because I knew I wanted to be like my teachers, who were organizing things, lessons, and speaking in front of the class.

When it came to what subject I would be teaching, I had only been specific about it once I met my English teacher in 4th-year high school. She spoke so fluently that I wanted to be like her. So, yes, I became an English teacher.

When I entered college, learning English structure and linguistics wasn’t fun. Literature was more enjoyable than Grammar. I took MA in Literature because I didn’t want more Linguistics classes, and I enjoyed reading and writing. Yet, when I was in graduate school, my professor told me I could write! She inspired me to shift from MA Literature to MA Creative Writing. As to what topics I should note, I still needed to figure it out. I just chose children’s literature because I wanted to become a mother.

I am unsure if this part of my life is a failure, but perhaps it’s a failure when you try to be everything. Now that I am a full-time mompreneur, I still miss teaching. I miss speaking in public, hosting events, and organizing stuff for others. I always felt inspired to share new ideas and learn from my students.

Because of my past experiences, I now know what I genuinely want to do. I want to inspire others through my stories of motherhood and entrepreneurship. I want to become an influential writer of self-help books about being a mom and entrepreneur. Are these still connected to what I love? Yes! I didn’t realize these earlier because college subjects and courses sometimes were limiting. I had to take them because they were prerequisites.

Lesson: It’s okay to be unsure where you want to be in life, but remember you are investing in yourself the moment you start learning or educating. Combine all your strengths by listing them down and working on improving them so you can create a name in your field.

3. I have not formed habits early in life that will help me in my young adulthood.

I lived my teenage years during the birth of the digital internet age. I was an active user of Multiply, Friendster, and Facebook. I overexposed myself to these platforms without using them for wiser purposes, such as building a business early. I used it to vent my feelings, share my day (as if everybody cared), and pretend to be someone I was not. Well, don’t get me wrong. During my teenage years, I wanted to show a picture-perfect life when, in reality, I hadn’t formulated personal habits yet.

Now that I know how much time I wasted, I realize how routines and habits are the foundation of our actions and inaction. Habits are formed when we do it repetitively. It applies to both good and bad habits. I remember developing the habit of doing things ahead of time to pass the requirements in school on time. I managed my time well because this habit was formed in my younger years. My mom was always on the lookout for assignments, making us conscious that our school diaries should always be visible so we could be reminded of things to do.

Conversely, the habit of engaging too much on cellphones became persistent because the gadget was always visible to me. I learned this from James Clear’s “Atomic Habits.” We form good habits by making rewards visible. We can remove bad habits by making things invisible and changing our environment.

Lesson: Habit-formation starts as soon as you become conscious about how you use your time. Recall every single detail that you do in your day and categorize which of those are good or bad habits. Start building habits aligned to the identity you are trying to build.

4. I have failed to save and invest early in life.

I learned the habit of being frugal at an early age. I saw how my parents managed our expenses from paycheck to paycheck. Sometimes, they could hardly make ends meet. That experience was an eye-opener to me that I should save for the future whenever I have money. Even when we were poor, I still saved money for something.

Little did I know that saving alone won’t keep us from being poor. I got the motivation to save if I wanted something. For instance, I would save for a cellphone, and once I bought it from my saved money, my savings would go back to zero, and I would start saving for something else again. It was a cycle of saving and spending. Without the knowledge of saving to grow more money, I didn’t realize the abundance mindset comes after taking risks and investing.

When I got married, I realized savings and Emergency Funds were not enough to make us wealthy. I had the motivation to rise above poverty so I could give my children and posterity a better future than the one I experienced. Had I used my early 20s to save to invest, I may have been a millionaire now.

Anyhow, now that I know things better, I started saving for education, saving for an Emergency Fund, saving to be insured, committing to have investments, and growing our savings into multiple businesses. There is more incredible wealth in investing.

Lesson: Improve your psychology of money. Think about why you behave about money the way you do. Most times, it is because of your prior experiences. Be as specific as possible when saving and investing, and categorize where you want your money to take you.

5. I have been unable to take risks in business as soon as possible.

In connection to being in the safe zone of simply saving money, I will recount a story about our business. Back in 2018, we were lucky enough to find the niche we would be serving. From selling women’s clothes, we shifted to make our niche more specific — pregnant and breastfeeding moms. We were almost always sold out every time we posted something new. We would receive hundreds of messages. Our customers always requested more, but I didn’t listen. I wanted to make our stocks sold first before designing a new type of clothing.

Since I took risks slowly, other competitors took the risk for me. They launched more sizes with various designs, found early investors and resellers, and grew even more prominent. Had I taken risks earlier, it might have been easier to sustain the business.

Lesson: Believe in starting small. But starting small doesn’t mean you will prefer to take small steps almost all the time. There is a season for taking risks and opportunities. Fair enough though, learn to weigh if risking too early is worth it. There is a season for everything, and there is no right way to know when it is the right time, but your guts and your environment (customers, readers, people around you) will help signal when it is time.

6. I wanted to be a writer for everyone.

After graduating with my MA in Creative Writing, I applied to almost every writing career I saw on job postings. My Master’s Degree made it easier for me to get hired. I didn’t review the job opportunities anymore because I thought I could do it. I remember getting hired to become a legal writer yet getting fired a month later because I was clueless about laws and legal terms.

It was a failure, for I didn’t niche down my skills. If we want to make a place in this world, it is through being specific about something and being the best we can be in the chosen field.

Lesson: Be as specific as possible in the chosen field you want to be successful at. For example, a writer can think of writing for women. What type of woman is she writing for? A single woman? Mom? Single moms? Working moms? What age could she be? Niching down will help you make your work more valuable.

Conclusion:

It is freeing to write about these failures in my life. It is easier to showcase our successes and receive compliments from other people.

In 2022, I received congratulatory messages whenever I posted about our small wins, such as getting featured on a well-known parenting page or a TV show and achieving business milestones.

Somebody told me, “It is indeed your year!” She was trying to imply that I was lucky this year. I am grateful for their messages and praises, but I realized I hadn’t posted any of my failures. People don’t usually know that for every success, there are tons of losses equivalent to a small win.

It is from those mistakes and wrong decisions that I’ve learned. It is more by learning from failures that I realize my potential. It is from rising from setbacks that I strive to continue again. It is in these failures that I take risks, seize opportunities, and stretch my limits. Never be afraid to face your losses rather than run away from them as if they hadn’t been a part of you.